This was my fourth EdgeFest, and by far the best. It left me with much to talk about.

The Mishaps

Stupid! I'm so stupid! How could I possibly leave the tickets at home??? How could I possibly fail to think of this until after I was actively reminded??? How could we be two hours out of town, with a carload of people who really didn't want to drive all the way back again, just for me... *without tickets*??? All of these questions have one simple, concise answer: I'm an idiot. Keeping that firmly in mind, don't be surprised that this is about the third time I've gone somewhere of a concertish nature and left the tickets at home. Having said all of that, I will let you all know that I was saved. Clayton the Conquerer and his messiah of a mother, Mo the Magnificent, managed to convince my landlord to let them into my apartment, and they brought the tickets up with them. Salvation!

We were fine after that, but Mo did claim license to call me "dumbass" all day long. And she did.

Once we got into the park, I realized that I hadn't put on any sunscreen. No re-entry permitted; now I look like a tomato.

Once we left the park, we returned to our parking spot to find everything that was there before - except our car. One hour and roughly $125 later, we had made up for the random, indiscriminating cruelty of Harvey's Restaurants. Next time we'll just park in the officially provided spaces, instead of taking my stupid-ass advice.

The Weather

Amazing! It was the first tolerable weather I've ever experienced at EdgeFest. It was quite cold, but nowhere near as bad as it could have been. The sky was beautifully clear and crisp and blue. Judging by the current colour of my skin, the U.V. index was somewhat high, but other than that, things were fine.

Maynard from Tool, after telling us that he grew up in Michigan, said that he'd heard a lot of people complaining about the weather. "Panzies. All of you." was his only response.

The Show

Let's get something straight, right off the line. EdgeFest is a massive undertaking, and I understand that. Surely Edge102 can be forgiven a few little mistakes here and there, as they were back in '97 when I went for the first time. What we all encountered this time, however, goes way beyond a few little mistakes. I do not exaggerate even slightly when I say that Edge102 did NOTHING to improve or contribute to the quality of their own festival. NOTHING. This was not always the case, but judging by last year's disturbingly similar circumstances, I'd have to say it looks like it's going to become a habit.

In '97, they handed out programs as you walked in the gates. This was excellent. In '99, they weren't ready right away, so you had no choice but to stand by in total ignorance and let the first third or so of the show pass you by. Last year, there were no programs at all; we were left in darkness until the second half of the show, when some little sheets with the lists for each stage began to mysteriously circulate. This year there was an information tent. Those who were quick enough to notice it, and who weren't too busy listening to the music, could wait in line for ages and, if they could supply their own pen and paper to write it down on, obtain a list of what bands were playing when. They didn't even take the time to sort the posted list into chronological order.

The food was terrible. If you waited any more than an hour or two to get food, you had the wonderful choice of some plain tasting 10" subs on stale bread, some suspiciously musty nachos with cold, polymer-based cheese sauce, or a hot dog or hamburger on a stale bun, with no toppings. The prices ranged from $3.50 (the hot dog) to $6.50 (the sub). Or, of course, if you wanted to wait in line for an hour for the only good food around, there was always the overworked, understocked Pizza Pizza booth. Just to make sure that we suffered pitifully, there was no re-entrance permitted to the park, so you couldn't go spend (half as much of) your money somewhere else and get some decent food. You were fucked. As I had so cleverly predicted, a 500mL bottle of lemonade, iced tea, water or pop (the only drinks available in the park) went up from $2.50 to $3.00 since last year.

Chances are, in any kind of production like this, the objective of the producer is to sell enough tickets to cover the venue and the bands and, hopefully, cover the entire cost of the show, leaving any other revenue (food, drinks, accessory sales, etc.) as profit in their greedy hands. Well, with more than $1.5 Million in ticket revenues, and using entirely last year's stage and sound equipment, they must be falling short, because with arithmetically increasing food and drink prices, not to mention the tickets, which have increased in cost by nearly $20 since 1997, the show gets shittier and shittier all the time. Security guards herd human beings like cattle, mercilessly shoving them into the correct paths, confiscating any property that they deem to be offensive, whilst other humans stand for as much as 30 minutes in lines 40 bodies long, stepping through pools of spilled human waste to eventually reach the door of a filthy portable toilet, where they will attempt to speedily complete the evacuation of the overpriced, unhealthy and generally offensive "food", which took them even longer to obtain. All the while, bands ranging from not bad to unbelievably pitiful, selected, of course, by EdgeFest's high-quality recruiting crew, are made to sound even less talented by concert equipment that leaves all but noise and distortion to be desired.

The show sucked, and it would take the resurrection of Soundgarden to make me go again.

The Bands

Most of them suffered either from a lack of talent or simply at the hands of the horrible sound system that is becoming a characteristic of EdgeFest. Then there were the gems. They were few and far between, but they were present.

On the second stage we had...

Flybanger (**) - Although a little too heavy and not particularly creative (they seemed to have one song, which might have been written by Slipknot, that they proceeded to play several times in a row), they could at least play their instruments.

Staggered Crossing (***) - Not bad at all. Kind of heavy with a rootsish/bluesy influence. Considering that their early-in-the-day performance reflected a lack of confidence in the band on the part of the producers, I was quite impressed. I probably won't buy their albums, but they are great entertainers.

Joydrop (***) - Now here is a band that surprised me. Not only were they talented instrumentalists, the singer girl could actually sing! Well! Her voice came in loud and crystal clear, and there was not a bad note to be found in her performance. No studio editing required for this chick; she's the real thing. To boot, they have some pretty original music, some of which I will most likely buy one day.

And on the main stage...

Project Wyze (*) - You know it's bad when you can accurately predict the incorrect spelling of a band's name just by listening to their music. These guys sucked. A pathetic, hip-hoppy, Rascalzesque attempt on the part of Edge102 to drag in a more diverse (and, of course, larger) audience, they attempted to work their pseudogangsta moves on a crowd that obviously didn't want them. I actually felt bad for the poor guys. Half of the crowd left to go see Staggered Crossing, which proved to be a much more rewarding experience. From the sounds of things over at the main stage, these guys left after enduring numerous cries of "wake up and smell your skin colour", "go home" and "YOU SUCK". They were so unoriginal that the crowd eventually renamed them Crazy Linkin Bizkit Town.

Bif Naked (**) - We didn't really see much of her, but the convenient positioning of the bathrooms led to quite a taste of her music. Unlike the girl from Joydrop, this honey needs her soundman to help her out. She can't sing. She sounded awful. 'nuff said.

Gob - Don't know; wasn't listening.

3 Doors Down (**) - One of the many bands that fell victim to the sound equipment. A dedicated listener could tell that, although it doesn't show in their studio recordings, the singer actually has quite a decent, powerful voice. The rest of them appeared typical, stock, interchangeable garage artists who think that knowing three chords is reason enough to start a band.

Finger Eleven (***) - Not bad; not great. The band played quite well, but the guy singing needed some serious lessons in microphone usage. His thrashing around looked cool, but the amplitude of his voice was so phasic it was hard to tolerate.

Big Wreck (****) - Wow. These guys rocked. Some serious ass-kicking guitar that served primarily to show off the fact that they are NOT a bunch of talentless garage artists was combined wonderfully with their ever-improving compositional talent. Their first album wasn't bad; the second one has enough excellent material on it that I'm sure to buy it soon. Definitely a band that exceeded my expectations.

The Tea Party (***) - Now, let me utter a different "wow". I could never have suspected that a band with this much talent could sound so much like just another band. Jeff was obviously stoned and/or drunk out of his fucking mind, and there was no chance of a tight, efficient performance. Occasionally, when the wind died down, you could hear him singing, and he wasn't bad. After a few oversimplified, somewhat boring renditions of some of their songs, Jeff copped out on playing the fast bit of Winter Solstice (the intro to which he executed flawlessly), and the band transitioned straight into the worst version of Sister Awake I have ever heard (with the exception of the fact that the intro percussion, played by all three band members at once, was excellent). Definitely, this performance lacked the live grace that I've caught glimpses of in the past. Despite their excessive talent, they obviously weren't that interested. Having said all of this, though, I should add that Stuart and Jeff Burrows were in fine form and, although they weren't particularly lively, they were obviously reasonably sober and did do a good job of executing the music. Most of the degradation of the performance fell on the frontman's head.

The TooL (*******************************)

It isn't fair to group this band in with the rest of them. They're not just better; they're an entirely different kind of act. One that cares. One that has a great deal of empathy for the crowd and sincerely wants every single performance to showcase their full brilliance. There was nothing characteristic about this performance, and I'd have to say that they probably didn't see much point in making it what they'd consider "something to remember". The equipment was all wrong, the venue was all wrong, the time limit was too short, the crowd wasn't respectful enough, etc. Nevertheless, I left the show in awe of the fact that, amongst all these acts, there lived a band whose idea of "just another show" was to perform every song with robotic accuracy and their typically high level of emotional input. Not only was this the best musical performance I've ever lived, hearing Lateralis performed live was among the most incredible experiences of my entire life, beaten out only by things which I can't really discuss here ;) There was not a mistake to be found. Not a skipped beat. Not a miscoordination. Not a muted string. I think that once, after a lot of screaming, two of Maynard's notes were a little flat. After a whopping one-day-long break from their European tour and whatever can be attributed to jet lag, I'd have to say this is more than excusable. Nevertheless, there was no compromising to be found. He sang every song note for note with no discernable difference in quality between the show and the albums. Actually, let me take that back. He sounded better live. Basically, they kicked ass. I cannot possibly describe the intensity or the quality of the performance in English, so I'm just going to stop trying. The only act that brought tears to the eyes of half of the people in the crowd, they are not a band; they are gods. See them live. Wow!

And that's all I have to say about that.

The Chad

There was no Chad. Shut up.