Sucks Ass: Columbia House Canada
By: SmrtySsa
on Monday, October 22nd 2001 at 2:21am
Columbia House's little DVD program sucks ass.
Why? I'll tell you why. I've been a customer (use that term very loosely) ever since I got a DVD-Rom, not even a real dvd player, just one for my computer that I didn't even really own. I bought movies from Wal-Mart and movies from Johnny's video store, but never have I ever seen such a stupid ass program to get "Cheap!" dvd's.
To clarify some crap, I'm talking in Canadian dollars, and any reference to "them", "they" or "stupid asses" is directly refering to Columbia House Canada. Mmmkay?
They start out by being stuck up pricks and blaming the government for them not being able to offer us (the members) incentives or perks for being with them for extended periods of time. That's a pile of shit, what ever happened to "Membership Has it's Privileges(tm)"? er.. Sorry, that's from a company who cares a bit about their clientele.
They asked a while back in a light statement "It's been a while since you've made a purchase! Is there anything wrong with our service? We'd like to hear from you. Please contact our customer support team with any concerns you may have!"... So I did, I emailed them. I told them outright, they're prices suck and their shipping is way too much. They promptly replied with a rundown of my account history and notified me that my "average" per movie was $29.34. That's a _deal_? Let me get this straight, you're trying to tell me that an average of $30 per movie is good? No, you're wrong it's no where near good. The only reason the average is that low is because of the fact I bought a 4 pack of movies for $80, and their initial "sucker punch" was a decent deal. After that your average goes nowhere but up.
During this little email back 'n forth I did some competative shopping with my friend Wal-Mart, and stupid asses' catalogue. On almost every new release once you factored in shipping (which is $4 for the first movie, ouch.) I found on average (I really like averages now) WalMart's prices were $5 to 8 less. Now, is having a movie mailed to your house really worth that much more? I don't think so Jimmy. They insist it does. Now if you're going to complain and say "well, Walmart has bigger buying power" you can stick it in your favorite hole. Columbia House has much more power than walmart, infact their prices should blow away anybody, why? Well, fawk. Columbia House is owend by Sony Music and Time Warner. Whapow. There's something big, and it doesn't fit in my mouth.
Don't these guys realize that they could make so many more people happy just by lowering their prices a bit? Or even, "Hey! here's a free movie! thanks for being with us for 2 years." Right, and my ass is a nice place to grow flowers.
Their answer to longevity is this new plan!
"Take any video or DVD for 89 cents with our thanks for being such a great customer."
That line smells worse than a 10 day old fish. The note then goes on to say "there is nothing else to buy" however if you accept this program we're going to send you another part in the series for a price ranging from $24.95 to $34.95 plus shipping and handling! The best part is, my 89 cent selection comes from a whopping list of 50 items, oh wait my bad, those 50 items are for VHS customers... the DVD list is... hold on to your seat... 9 titles! Wow. This truly is a reward to me! a truly wonderful reward for being a sucker for signing up in the first place. I feel so, honored. I'd like to thank the acadamy, and mom and the dog who licked my nuts...
This is an insult to my lack of intelligence. Maybe they need to figure out that price matters much more than "the plan" that they suck people into. Or perhaps some better long term rewards, ones that don't have a hand full of hooks. I'm going to fill out this thing, and I'm going to get my "89 cent reward" and I'm going to cancel my membership... but not until I play with them a little more ;)
Columbia House, you suck ass.
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Comments for Sucks Ass: Columbia House Canada
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116 Comments
The Bitter Cat Wrote...
Saturday, October 27th 2001 at 12:56pm
Send them a mail bomb full of various types of animal excrement! It'd be fun
christy Wrote...
Monday, December 3rd 2001 at 7:48pm
does anyone out there know their phone number ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kyle Wrote...
Saturday, March 23rd 2002 at 1:18pm
well, i got an idea!
down with sony, columbia house and all them!
now, (sarcastically) im sure im the first ever person to think of this, but that cd club mail order stuff they have, lets scam them with fake names!
im doing it for the third time...slightly changing my address and postal code each time...i most have cost them damn near half a thousand dollars now...its my way of getting back at the record industry...
Maverick Wrote...
Monday, May 13th 2002 at 2:12am
Their cd's are used too. And they sell them as new!
Debbi Wrote...
Thursday, May 16th 2002 at 10:07am
After much searching, and no help from Columbia House Jerks, I found a phone number for a customer service supervisor. Her name is Judi Lanzone and her number is (812) 242-7405. This is for everyone who has tried to reach an actual person in customer service, and has only gotten a recording. I hope everyone calls and bothers her so much that they will change their policy and start giving out the damn phone number. Columbia House Sucks!
Michele Wrote...
Thursday, May 16th 2002 at 3:38pm
I've tried out the Judy phone number (it's still active), and left a voice mail message for her (hopefully more useful than the string of e-mails I've been exchanging). I'm showing my emails here so that everyone will know what kind of aggravation they can expect from Columbia House Canada.
------------------------------------------
Thank you for your e-mail message.
The United States Club is independent from Columbia House Canada.
We appreciate the opportunity to explain this matter.
Sincerely,
Colleen Lam
Customer Service
Original Message Follows:
-------------------------
OK, this is getting VERY ANNOYING!!! Take a look at the message stream
below:
1) April 25, I ask if my April 22 application has gone through
2) April 30, I'm told to wait three weeks from date of application, and
then
ask again (meanwhile, don't reapply)
3) May 10, (3 weeks later), I ask if my application has gone through
4) May 15, I'm told to wait another 15 days!!!!
Five and a half weeks strikes me as absurdly long to wait in order to
find
out if an online application to columbiahousecanada has gone through.
And
you say that you recently mailed me a new application. Does this mean
that
online applications are not advised? Why not? And why is it possible
to
apply online if it's only going to result in a paper application being
sent
to me?
Is the online presence of Columbia House this bad in the US?
-----Original Message-----
From: canada_english [mailto:canada_english@columbiahousecanada.com]
Sent: May 15, 2002 12:00 PM
To: Michele
Subject: RE: membership (KMM14581617V85474L0KM)
Thank you for your e-mail message.
If you do not receive verification of your enrollment within the next 15
days, please complete and return the new application we have recently
mailed to you. If prepayment was sent with the previous application,
please send a copy of the front and back of the cashed cheque or money
order submitted at that time.
If we may be of further service, please let us know.
Sincerely,
Liz Young
Customer Service
Original Message Follows:
-------------------------
Michele
...address...
...phone number...
-----Original Message-----
From: canada_english [mailto:canada_english@columbiahousecanada.com]
Sent: May 14, 2002 6:42 AM
To: Michele
Subject: RE: membership (KMM14530666V80081L0KM)
Thank you for your e-mail message.
Please provide your name, address and postal code so we may check the
status of your application.
If we may be of further service, please let us know.
Roberta Blackwood
Customer Service
Original Message Follows:
-------------------------
Hello,
It's now three weeks after I signed up. Could you please confirm that
you
have some record of my membership (and also give me some idea as to when
I
might expect to receive my DVDs)?
Out of curiousity, I was wondering if you could also explain why it
takes
you 2-3 weeks for processing membership requests, when most online sites
can
manage it in under a day? Not to be critical - I'm just curious ;-)
Thank you,
Michele
-----Original Message-----
From: canada_english [mailto:canada_english@columbiahousecanada.com]
Sent: April 30, 2002 10:48 AM
To: Michele
Subject: Re: membership (KMM14153021V85118L0KM)
Thank you for your e-mail message.
Be sure that once you have clicked the SUBMIT button that you are taken
to a SUBMISSION CONFIRMATION page. If not, or you receive an error
message, we have not received your response.
Please note that we are not able to confirm if we have received your
application, unless we allow 2 - 3 weeks for processing. After this
time, we are able to search for a new membership number for you, for the
application submitted. Please allow this time to pass and get back to
us after 3 weeks. Please do not reapply.
If we may be of further service, please let us know.
Roberta Blackwood
Customer Service
Original Message Follows:
-------------------------
Hello,
I signed up for columbiahouse dvd club (selecting 5 DVDs) on Monday
(name
Michele ...), and expected some kind of e-mail confirmation (and
probably
a fairly immediate charge on my credit card, concurrent with the
shipping
of
my DVDs).
Since these things didn't happen, I wanted to confirm that you HAVE got
some
kind of record of my signing up, and I can expect to get my DVDs
sometime.
Thank you,
Michele
Duncan Wrote...
Monday, September 9th 2002 at 4:39pm
Hey Michele et al.
I got a customer Service # form my friend who is a member. I also signed up and didn't receive a confirmation message
Duncan Wrote...
Monday, September 9th 2002 at 4:42pm
Let's continue...I called the number and an operator there was able to track it and tell me that they had recieved my application and the DVD's were on their way. We'll see what happens ;-) Anyway, the number is (not toll free) 1-416-299-8181. Good luck and I hope you get your DVD's soon! :-D
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116 Comments
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Slinky Wrote...
Monday, October 22nd 2001 at 9:57am
Down with the corporate bastards!