Under my skin...
By: Quigley
on Saturday, January 19th 2002 at 11:36am
Isn't it strange how some things you just can't get out of your head? Perhaps when dealing with faces from the past, it is really nostalgia, more than anything, that interferes with your ability to see or feel things clearly. In this case, though, that really shouldn't come into play - there has never been anything between me and the person in question. Certainly not that I'm aware of, anyway. Last night, though, as a warm, friendly hug drew on for a split-second too long, it occurred to me that it seemed to be adopting rather embrace-like properties. For an instant there was a flash of something... understanding, maybe... perhaps confidence, security in that one tiny fraction of the day... whatever. I was shocked and scared, and my gut reaction was to pull away. Why does this happen? Confusion, maybe. Anyway, I would have loved to stay and chat, but circumstances prevented it beyond any other possibilities. Now I'm left totally confused. I feel presumptuous and somewhat guilty for giving it so much weight, and I feel that it would be insulting to pass it off as totally meaningless. Sort of one of those somewhere-in-the-middle things? I dunno.
So, really, am I just desperate? Oversensitive? Excessively romantic? Well, yes, I am all of those things, thankyouverymuch, and I have learned to live with it and deal with it. I'm also not a moron, and no matter how often I assure myself that it's unlikely any of this was reciprocated, it pops back into my head.
All that seems likely is that, the next time I see this person, everything will be as it was, and we'll exchange friendly "hello"'s and be totally normal. That is, likely, as it should be. That is as it always has been.
I guess I just don't know enough. One thing I do know, though: if there is a god out there, he makes things far too confusing. Goddammit...
Other Articles
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Comments for Under my skin...
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10 Comments
Quigley Wrote...
Saturday, January 19th 2002 at 1:55pm
Darryl... if you were any more of a jerk, I'd have to marry you. :)
Anesthetic Wrote...
Saturday, January 19th 2002 at 6:45pm
I have no idea where either one of you are going with your comments... and I don't really want to know... so Linky, just go and make sure you wind up talking with that same person again within the next week or so, and give another hug good-bye. See if it lingers again, see how the conversation goes; eye contact is a good indicator. Human contact, interaction, all that mushy stuff that makes your knees wobble and your mind spin even though you're sure nothing really happened, follow it. Don't shrug it off as being desparate. We are all then, because we all get that way. Maybe because our society is so... cold like Winterpeg weather, and we just don't get enough of it in our everyday lives.
la dinde Wrote...
Saturday, January 19th 2002 at 8:16pm
(person rolling down window)
Excuse me but do any of you have any Gray Poupon?
Quigley Wrote...
Saturday, January 19th 2002 at 8:39pm
Morgan, I think you're definitely on to something there - the reason why we're so affected (and the 'a' was deliberate so ha!) by all this mushiness. As far as circumstance goes, it's unlikely that I will see the person in the next while, but you never know. It did, after all, occur at what one might describe as a cafe with a cult following, and one that I'm planning on returning to.
SmrtySsa Wrote...
Sunday, January 20th 2002 at 8:50am
a-hah! So it wasn't a hardon!
It's kinda like when i watch a movie and thousands of people get killed, i don't really care because I see it all the time (on news 'n stuff) but when billy-bob finds his true love in mary-jane I feel something different (a tingle, it tells me it's working, not in my pants)... it's because I hardly ever see it in real life! brilliant.
Bring forth the PDA! (not personal data ass' either, put you know..) public displays of affection! Why does everybody say "eww, get a room!" when two (or more) people are showing that they care about each other... but if there's a fight outside a bar everybody piles on out and watches?... STUPID PEOPLE!!
Time to desensatize, and become a man whore.
that's my 2 cents, now i expect that investment to double per day for the next 30 days, please send payments to... :)
Mike Wrote...
Sunday, January 20th 2002 at 10:44am
<p>Bah. Lincoln, I think you're a crazy little bastard with long orange hair...and you should do what Morgan said, which you already said you are going to do.
<p> Darryl...You're a mofo. But you're also right. People are scared when they see PDA's...whether it be that they don't have someone they care about like that, or if they...aren't sure about the person they have. It's weird. As for the fights, what better way to get out your anger and frustration about not being able to get a date? ;)
Quigley Wrote...
Sunday, January 20th 2002 at 12:31pm
Mmmm... philosophy and discussion. Almost as good as... off-white knit sweaters ;)
(You know what I mean, Conor ;)
Quigley Wrote...
Sunday, January 20th 2002 at 3:56pm
Oh yeah, I have something more to add to this whole discussion. What defines love? Is loveatfirstsight actually possible? I don't know, and such questions are no longer meaningful to me in a specific sense. I have been in love before. The kind that totally disregards all surrounding circumstances. The kind that totally disregards the wants and needs of the two people involved. The kind that is blind. The kind that everyone dreams of, in a way. Well, it set me back a long time, and I'm still feeling the pain in many ways. I don't care to ever do that again. I don't see myself developing an intimate relationship in the future with someone I don't already know extremely well. When the dust settles and the initial thrill becomes routine, I want to know exactly why I am with this person. Relying on feeling alone, the entire thing may be totally irrational and a detriment to all around, as well as the two people directly involved, as it was in my initial case. Never again, I say. Never!!!!
SmrtySsa Wrote...
Sunday, January 20th 2002 at 9:08pm
love at first bite... kinky...
love at first site... possible... but that funky "connection" hardly ever goes both ways. Of course, what defines first sight? :) i mean, sure when you first see someone physically, or when you actually see who they are? ... I've had a few cases where I was "hmm" at first sight and actually got to know the person and was "wow" (when can we get it on?!) ... and stuff
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Ssa in Branthole Wrote...
Saturday, January 19th 2002 at 1:11pm
aww that's sweet that you feel for clitty that way... that funny feeling was called a "hardon" though ;)