So. Here's what are most important to me and directly related, but each could hamper other. I am afraid of being alone and failing in this academic world I'm trying to enter. If I fail in January to move on to the 2nd year of a Master's program, I will be devestated. As it stands, I feel overwhelmed by the workout that has been thrust upon me and it's only the 4th week and I have yet to get my papers up and running. Moreover, in one of my seminar's, I find myself a little lost, and also awed at the background knowledge of my peers. They seem to have retained more information than me. Part of that may be due to the fact that the only Roman History course that I've taken the last 2 years is the Roman Economy and my independent study on religion in the 4th century. Besides that, there's been nothing since my 3rd of undergrad work. So...there are some wholes. In addition, I've never been much of a speaker in seminar's. Like with so mnay things, I'm not much spontaneity and so I ALWAYS like to be prepared before jumping into anything. That's why essays are always more fun than class discussion - I need the time to think about what I want to say. So, at the moment my Classics confidence is taking some hits, though I am somewhat optimistic about the topics that will be a big part of my work this semester - interest always helps. It's gonna be a struggle either way to make it to that 2nd year.

Of course, I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that I'm likely gonna be single for the foreseeable future. I just don't see anything coming along to change that. Of course, that stings a bit, particularly when I feel overwhelmed as I do, by school and the like. It's nice to have a crutch to unload with on days like today, which happens to be my off day from working out. The sex I can live without. The other stuff, not so much.

But, with so much work to do I have limited opportunities, especially at school where I'm supposed to meet people. So, the two are related, but not each has a negative effect on the other. So. What can I say? It's not fun.

Thus, I'm finding a way to deal with both. Not sure how. My days are already getting fuller and fuller by the moment. Yeah. So I'm lonely and scared. My mouth is sore. I'm increasingly afraid of failing at this school thing. I really do think that I will be unconsolable if I don't make it. So, I gotta dig in and giver.

So...in an effort now to spice things up. What are your views on fate? Do people out there believe in fate or not? And I'm not talking in a general sense. Furthermore, if you do believe in fate, do you also believe in God? Discuss.