Relief...or so I thought
By: Asrai
on Wednesday, July 28th 2004 at 8:18pm
Well I did it. I wrote the letter and sent it off. That might matter (or at least make sense) to you if you knew what it was that I'm on about, but the article that precedes this one is permenantly hidden because I was too chicken to post it when I learned the anonymous feature was broken. I'm an idiot. Anyway, here is the background story:
There is a boy who likes me...a lot. Said boy told me he liked me, and I told him I like him, which is not in anyway what I meant to say. I went home that night and wrote him a letter, trying to explain gently that it wouldn't work out between us and that it wasn't his fault and so forth. He wrote me back, basically confessing his undying love, and saying he wanted to grow old and die with me. I didn't write him back 'cause I was kind of creeped out and I didn't really know what to tell him. He wrote me a few weeks later, telling me that he thought he'd misprinted my mailing address, and retelling me everything he said in his first letter, only more to do with destiny and dying together, etc. So I was like "AHH!" and I didn't write him back right away because I couldn't make myself sit down and do it. He showed up at my house once while I was at work; I can only guess he got my address off the envelope. I haven't heard anything from him since. So that's the story.
Well, last night I finally made myself sit down and write him a letter, explaining in more deffinate [and therefore more truthfull (not that I had lied per se, just avoided mentioning harsh truths speciffically)] way the reasons that the two of us as a couple simply would not work.
So really, I should feel relieved, but I don't. I feel apprehensive. I still feel guilty (understandably) that I took so long to write him back. I still worry when I go to stores that I will run into him. GAH. I know it's only been one night, but I guess I expected this to fix everything somehow. God I can be dumb.
So now what do I do? I'm feeling guilty, about more than taking so long to write the guy back, so logically that means I must have done something else wrong...Damnit! Telling him I liked him, I suppose. I still can't work out why I did that. It just flew out of my mouth as if someone else was saying it...which is not, by any stretch of the imagination, validating of my actions.
There you have it. AGGGG! I am an idiot, and now a guilt ridden idiot, who is still lost in thought over 'other guy' (first mentioned in the precurser to this article). Yeah. The end.
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Comments for Relief...or so I thought
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5 Comments
Anesthetic Wrote...
Saturday, August 7th 2004 at 11:44am
I've made the mistake before of saying yes to some girl and then realising I meant to say no but now I've said yes to dating them, and it takes me the weekend to pull up the courage to tell them I meant to say no, and of course all hell breaks loose at this point even though we haven't even talked since the Friday or gone anywhere or basically been more than friends in any way, but the fallout is managable. It's definately regretful, but because it was unintentional I think that counts for a lot. You did the right thing in setting things straight though; there's little worse than going along with a charade to avoid a perceived ugly outcome: the ugly out come is when the charade ends :p
Asrai Wrote...
Monday, August 9th 2004 at 9:31am
Well, I haven't heard back from him...I just hope he's not too terribly pissed.
Asrai Wrote...
Wednesday, August 11th 2004 at 9:06am
He wants to meet with me, which I can manage, I suppose. Not really looking forward to it, but what can you do?
Asrai Wrote...
Sunday, December 12th 2004 at 3:46am
Oh my LORD!!!!!So dude wrote me again. In fairness to him, he did appolgize for pressuring me in his other letters, which is the only reason I'm writing him back.
This really is my fault, and sobeing, I have written a nice letter, gently explaining that, NO, I am not going to be his girlfriend or 'get together' with him, as he put it. He wants to meet with me, but I put my foot down in that area...and the rest of it, I hope. I think I've made myself clear, but then, I've thought that before.
I almost wish I could mock his inability to get over it, but I know what it's like to not be able to. On the other hand, I would at least be trying if I were him. In the movies the protaganist always just stands their ground and the object of their affection gives in. That's why in the movies when a girl smacks a guy in the face he can kiss her and no one thinks anything of it. Of course, in real life it doesn't work that way; standing your ground annoys the object of your affection. REALLY standing your ground makes them nervous.
GAH, so that's my rant...I suppose this is really more of an article than a comment, but whatever. It all goes together in my head. Someone help.
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Quigley Wrote...
Monday, August 2nd 2004 at 9:02pm
Allowances must be made for people in your situation. Hell, people take ages to get up the strength to confess that they love someone; hence, I believe they should be able to take their time in saying that they don't.
Think about it this way: One of two things is true... either a) He will recover in a week's time and move on, in which case there is no harm done, or b) He won't. If he doesn't, it's probably because there is something wrong with him, and he's built this up much farther than he should have. Thus, he is to blame for the heartache, not you.