Windows really sucks. We all know that. But sadly, it must be dealt with. Makers of various viruses and other malware type things are aware of this, of course, and go out of their way to make my life as a tech a living hell. Until recently, I tended not to bother with too much sleuthig: "if it's broke, reformat" was my motto. But no more!

My most recent deal (finished about five minutes ago) was a hideous mess. How people let their computers get like this is beyond me. I was greeted with several illegitimate processes running on startup, a half-installed version of Norton Internet Security 2006, myriad "helpful" toolbars and ad agents and data miners, etc., etc., a corrupted Windows Update that was stuck in an endless cycle of trying to install its most recent automatic update (which was, ironically, the Malicious Software Removal Tool), and my personal favourite, no ability to run Windows Explorer, Internet Explorer, Control Panel or anything related (unless in safe mode).

It's all fixed now, and what's miraculous is that I didn't reformat! Normally I would have, but for some reason I was compelled to take this personally, and plug away at it till it was done.

My first step was to remove the various viruses, etc. This was relatively easy. Can't download software 'cause IE won't run, so I burned various things to CD and ran setup from the command prompt (stupid virus didn't stop that from running... duh!). I installed AVG 7.5, updated the def's, did a full scan, and deleted everything in quarantine. I then installed AdAware, and did the same thing.

Then, checked through the registry, startup stuff, etc., and through currently running processes, and Googled anything with which I wasn't familiar. Nothing illegitimate left! The problems, however, are all still present.

I tried installing Firefox and downloading a fresh IE6. No change. Googling around trying to find info on the issue, I came across, as one always does in a case like this, millions of ubiquitous tech forums wallpapered with HijackThis logs. I'd never used HijackThis before - never needed to, actually; I've solved everything else to date just fine without it. This was beyond my ability, though. I needed better tools. Is HijackThis a good tool? I'm not really sure, but in this particular experience, it worked beautifully. I ran a scan, deleted all the browser hijack objects it identified, and explorer worked again. Poof! Magic! 30 second fix! I checked, and sure enough, the Control Panel, search, Windows Explorer, IE, etc., all worked just fine, like they were supposed to.

There were still a couple of toolbars left in IE. All their supporting files and nasty bits have probably been deleted by now, but they're there, and they're annoying. I downloaded AVG Anti-Spyware Free Edition, on a hunch (and out of curiosity 'cause I'd never used it either), and used it to remove them. Easy enough. Now there are only two problems left: Norton is kicking out errors every time Windows starts up because it's only half installed and has its leg caught in the door, and Windows Update won't run. The former was a simple matter of Googling around and discovering that there was a special removal tool provided by Symantec to get rid of all registry values, files, etc., in the case of a corrupted install. This worked fine. Now on to problem 2.

I tried to scan for updates and received an error message. I searched around for the error code on Microsoft's web site. NOTHING. I double check. Nothing. I triple check that I have the error code right. Nothing. I Google it. I get a whopping FOUR search results. Can you guess what they all are? Yep! Posts on tech forums saying, "help, I have this error code in Windows Update and I can't find any documentation on it." I tried upgrading to Microsoft Update. That also revealed an error. It said that some necessary files had been removed and it had to download them fresh and register them. A progress indicator shows Downloading... 100%... Registering... 100%... Done! And it sends me back to the main page. I click the button to upgrade to Microsoft Update. Can you guess what it does? Yep again! Same damn thing! I try disabling AVG. Ditto. I note the other option: search for info on the error code. Well that didn't work last time - fuckers - but maybe they'll have something on this code. They do! I must use regsvr32.exe to register MSXML3.dll. DLL registration failed! Error code 0x80070005. I Google the error code. It means... ACCESS DENIED!

So from here it got tricky. By this point I've had the client's computer for far too long. I mess around for ages, trying various things that come to mind. No, it doesn't work in safe mode. No, it doesn't work if I overwrite MSXML3.dll with a version I know works from a stable system. No, no, no. I give in and try Microsoft's helpful online help service. A tech emails me back within one business day as promised. He gives me a phone number to call and says that they will help me. I call the number, and after being on hold for ages and having to very slowly spell out my first and last name and product ID code, I'm told that because it's OEM software, they will charge a $35 fee for tech support, and otherwise I have to return it to the manufacturer. I AM the manufacturer, I tell them. Well then pay the fee, they tell me. I hang up.

Googling around ad nauseam, I manage to find someone who claims to have an answer to this exact problem - the inability to register MSXML3.dll with regsvr32 after being told to by Microsoft's FAQ in regards to a Windows Update error. He says to check out various versions of MSXML 3.0, and indicates that, while simply downloading the old versions won't work (as I had already discovered), MS did release an .msi file that installs and registers all related files in support of MSXML 3.0 Service Pack 7. I search around on Microsoft's web site and sure enough, there's the .msi to which he referred. I download it, and run it, and...

... VICTORY IS MINE! After days of messing with this crap, I'm done. Windows update is in the process of finishing off the installation of .NET 1.1 and 2.0, and when I reboot of course there will be service packs, bug fixes, bug fixes for service packs, security updates, service pack security updates, security updates for bug fixes of security updates of bug fix service pack security service security bug fix update update bug fix security service update AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!

But it will be done, and that's what matters.

The moral of the story here - and where I return to the title of my article - is that you don't need to reformat. Ever. I'm convinced of that. This whole episode has cost me a lot more time than a reformat would have. But the advantage is that in place of the sense of futility and frustration, and in place of combing through the hard drive searching for data the user might want to keep, cataloguing it, burning it to CD, forgetting to copy their address book before reformatting and knowing that they'll tell me as soon as I call that that's the one thing they really need me to keep, having to explain why I need all their driver CD's and software discs and listen to them tell me about how normal people don't keep that stuff and I wouldn't understand 'cause I'm a tech... I get a sense of accomplishment and victory, and most importantly, instead of backing out of the problem, I learned a thing or seventeen about how to deal with it much faster in the future. Give me another system like this and I'll have it done in no time flat.

So next time... don't reformat. Kick its ass!