A/N: This marks the last of what I had written prior to having my purse stolen. Hope you enjoy.

“But seriously,” Caution said as they walked along the dusty road to the castle gates. “Tell me this isn't really the grandest sight in M'leo. If it is I may have to kill myself.” She stopped walking long enough to brush her feet clean on her pant legs, then kept walking.

The castle wasn't all that bad, from what Caution could tell, but it wasn't all that good, either. It was big, stone and castle-shaped. It had none of the fluttering white flags or noble-looking statues of the story books... and it looked like it could use a good scrubbing.

“It is not,” Creep said.

“Thank God for that.”

The castle ought to have been surrounded by a big city, Caution thought, but for an hour after the prince pointed Craté out, all she could see was farmland and the few tiny little shacks that belonged to it. There was a village outside the castle gate, with tiny cottages, each approximately the size of the guest suite in her pool house.

A few people were gathered right outside the gate. They were the down-trodden, dirty peasant types that always seemed to play the extras in movies about knights. They managed to distract Caution momentarily from the fact that she wasn't wearing any shoes and a rather sharp rock had just embedded itself in the ball of her foot..

“Who're they?” Caution asked, when she realized the peasants were there for them.

“They live in the village,” Creep told her.

“Oh,” she whispered through her cheesecake smile. “Why are they here?”

Antaetharon was still walking ahead of them. The villagers bowed when he reached them. He nodded regally at them, and they stood up again, but kept their heads bowed. They bowed again when Caution reached them.

“Um...” she whispered. “Creep, what're they doing?”

“Nod.”

Caution nodded and the villagers stood. Then dirty little boy handed her some flowers.

“Thank you,” Caution said. She smiled at Creep. “See, I get flowers. Andy didn't get any flowers.” She glanced back at the little boy, who was smiling at her feet. “Creep, tell him thank you for me.”

Mr. Creep conveyed Caution's message to the boy, who looked scared and hid behind his mother's skirt.

“Come,” the prince said peevishly as the gates swung open.

Creep followed immediately. Caution hung back long enough to smile at the boy who had given her the flowers, then did a hop-step to catch up with Creep.

She put her hand on his arm. “Don't worry about it,” she said soothingly. “Kids are weird.”

“I do not know what you mean.”

Caution wanted to say yes you do, but instead she smiled and said, “Forget it.”

Caution and Creep followed the prince a bit farther up the dirt path until he stopped.

Caution choked back a laugh. “A moat?” she spat out. “A moat? You've got to be kidding me. Ah man, this day just keeps getting better.”

The prince said something to Creep. Creep turned to Caution.

“The prince would like to know what you have just said,” Creep informed her.

“He's standing right there.”

“His vocabulary is... inadequate.”

“Okay, well, if you can translate for him, go right ahead.”

“I understood your words,” Antaetharon said stiffly. “They did not combine coherently.

Caution shook her head slightly. She'd been using idioms and contractions and all manner of slang since she arrived in M'leo and no one had even blinked. “I don't know,” she told them. “Don't worry about it; it's not important.”

The drawbridge dropped down and Caution resisted the temptation to remark on how its doing so had made her day.

Caution found herself watching the water as she crossed the drawbridge. It was murky, green and covered in slime, and left no doubt in her mind as to its method of deterring would-be trespassers. There was a burst of cool, musty air as they crossed under the big stone archway.

As soon as they stepped into the castle proper, a couple of identical servant-girls appeared out of nowhere and tired to usher Caution away.

“Uh, Creep?” she asked desperately as they steered her through a big, wooden door and toward a large staircase.

“It is alright,” Antaetharon said magnanimously. “They are taking you to dress.”

“I am dressed,” Caution barked.

The prince scoffed. “Surely, you do not intend to meet your king dressed like that.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Caution looked down at her outfit. Admittedly, the grass-stained hip-huggers and torn halter probably weren't king-meeting material, but he didn't have to say that like... that.

“I didn't ask to meet anyone,” she blurted. “And he's not—”

“The prince is right,” Creep said flatly.

“Oh. He is?” Caution started to climb the stairs in spite of herself, then stopped. “Creep comes with me, then,” she said suddenly.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me. What if I need to ask for something?”

“Very well,” Antaetharon grumbled. He waved Creep up the stairs after Caution.

“Caution, we spoke earlier of demonstrating respect for the prince,” Creep said, as the servants shoved them through a random door.

“Yeah, but—can these guys speak English?” Caution asked as she examined herself in the mirror of the vanity she'd been put in front of.

“No.”

“Thank God. Holy Christ, I don't know how much more of Andy I can take. I mean, ordering me around, telling me to change my clothes—”

“He is right, Caution.”

“Well maybe about the clothes, but—”

One of the servants had started to help Caution out of her top. Caution smacked her hand away and side-stepped to avoid the other girl.

“Creep? Do something about her, please.”

Creep spoke to the helpful woman, who turned back to Caution questioningly. Caution nodded, not entirely sure what she was agreeing to. Both servants stopped all motion and stared at Caution expectantly.

Caution took a step back. She was used to people staring at her, but usually when that happened, there was a red velvet rope between them. “Jesus, take a picture, why don't you?”

Unsurprisingly, neither of the servants answered her.

“Creep, can you please tell them I can bathe and dress myself, if they want to bring me whatever the hell it is they expect me to wear.”

Creep conveyed the message, somewhat less colourfully and again Caution got questioning looks from the servants. She nodded at them and waved them out of the room.

“Alright, where's the shower at?” Caution asked as soon as they had gone.

“There is a basin of water and a cloth behind that screen,” Creep said.

“Ah.” Caution walked to the far right corner of the room and glanced around the screen. “Ooh, there's a stool too. They sure know how to spoil a girl around here.”

“I will give you your privacy,” Creep said, heading for the door.

“Oh no you don't. Don't you dare leave me alone in this place. There's a screen, and if you are that uncomfortable, you can turn around and close your eyes, okay?”

“Very well,” Creep said, turning his back on Caution.

Caution stepped behind the screen and undressed as quickly as possible. She wanted to be clean and wrapped in a towel before the eager serving girls got back.

“Creep, can you pass me my purse?” she asked, giving the stool a dirty look.

There was no answer for a moment, then Caution's purse appeared over the top of the screen. For the first time, she was vaguely aware that she hadn't carried it all the way to the castle, and was somewhat curious as to how it had found its way into the room.

“Thanks,” Caution said, accepting the bag. She immediately started searching for a razor and her deodorant.

The chamber door opened as Caution finished shaving her left leg.

“Creep, do they have underwear with those clothes?” she asked as she began shaving her right.

“I do not know; I am not an expert in ladies' apparel.”

“Well, ask the Stepford twins.”

There was a hushed conversation followed by Creep saying, “Everything you will need is here, including face paint.”

“Face paint? Oh, make up. I don't need make up; I have some in my purse.”

Creep said nothing.

“Uh, do me a favor and pass me the clothes.”

There were footsteps and one of the servants appeared around the screen.

“Oh God,” Caution breathed. “You scared the crap out of me.”

The servant-girl handed a pile of folded clothes to Caution.

“Right,” Caution said. “Thanks... uh, Creep, can you get rid of her, please?”

Creep said something through the screen and Caution nodded before the maid had a chance to look questioning. Both maids left. Caution stood on her toes and watched over the screen until they were gone, then sighed.

“You know, I can have them cook my meals, clean my room, whatever—but I draw the line at having people help me dress.”

Creep didn't answer.

Caution unfolded the dress, dropping a pair of pantaloons and a corset on the now-wet hardwood floor. “You've got to be kidding me,” she said, draping the dress over the screen. She noticed a disparaging lack of towels and decided not to call the servants back for one. She picked up the underclothes and started to get dressed. “Creep, you haven't buggered off anywhere, have you?”

“No.”

“Good,” Caution said, fighting to get the dress on over her head. “I do not want to be left alone anywhere in this place, got it? It's just all a little too much for me.”

“I understand.”

Caution had had experience with corsets and the pantaloons were pretty self-explanatory, but the more she struggled to get the skirt down away from her face, the more she understood why she'd been given two servants to help her dress.

“I... uh... Creep?” Caution muttered as she tugged at the skirt.

“Yes?”

“Uh... Can you come here a sec?”

Creep approached the screen and stood exactly on the other side. “What is it?”

“No, here,” Caution said, blushing slightly. “I need you to button me up.”

Caution turned around as Creep stepped behind the screen.

“This is not appropriate,” Creep said flatly, as he hurried to button her dress.

“Probably not,” Caution agreed. “Hang on a sec.” She reached behind her to tuck the tag back into her bra. “Normally I'd get Marylin to help me with this sort of thing... She's going to be pissed that I haven't called. Oh, God, they're all going to be going nuts.”

Creep didn't say anything. He finished buttoning the dress as fast as he could.

“Thanks,” Caution said, without turning around. “Now scram; I want to do my make up.”

Creep wondered why she required privacy for that, of all things, but did not ask.

Caution did her make up, wishing the entire time that she had stuffed some concealer in her purse for the scrape-bruise that was the result of a combination of hitting the pavement and being backhanded in the face by Creep. She held her compact at arm's length and tried to get an idea of what she looked like. Her hair was terrible, she knew; it was hard to do much with it in a basin. Her face looked good, if one ignored the greening bruise and the long, thin scabs on her left cheek. The dress was a surprisingly good fit. It was rose, the colour, which is—for whatever reason—much closer to the colour of a raspberry smoothie than to any actual rose. It was off the shoulder, which was always a plus, and had short, puffy sleeves, a floor-length, A line skirt and gold trim. It wasn't what Caution would have picked out for herself, but it did make her look like a princess and had the added benefit of hiding her bare feet. Her shoes, she recalled for the first time, were lying on a hill somewhere, surrounded by dead people.

“Creep, those guys that attacked us,” Caution said as she dug through her purse for a hair elastic, “Who were they?”

“Thieves.”

“So they weren't there for me?” Caution pulled her hair into a messy bun.

“No.”

“Well, that's good to know, I guess.” She stepped out from behind the screen. “So... what do you think?”

Creep had been watching the door. He turned to face her. “It... does not suit you,” he said dryly.

Caution caught herself in time to stop her head from dropping with unexpected disappointment. “Well,” she said with an unnaturally convincing smile, “I never said it did. I mean, of course it doesn't; it's not even from the same universe as me... So, uh, am I fit to meet the king?”

“Oh. Yes.”

“Great. Lead the way.”

Creep motioned Caution through the door. She nearly tripped over her servant-girls.

“What did you people do before I showed up?” she asked. “Seriously, Creep, don't they have somewhere else to be?”

“No.”

“Well, just, I don't know, give them the day off or something.”

Creep spoke to the servants who immediately turned to Caution for her approval.

Caution nodded vehemently. “Yes. Yes, go. Please.”

They bowed slightly and disappeared.

“Oh, thank you,” Caution breathed. “These girls could take lessons from Margarita. I mean, she's there, the work gets done, but you never actually see her doing it. She knows how to give a girl her space, you know? Alright. On to meet the king, then?”

Creep nodded and headed toward a staircase. Caution couldn't honestly tell if it was the one they had come up. She decided that the castle was a lot nicer inside than out. It reminded her of her mother's house in Aspen, if one ignored the huge coat of arms hanging above the stairs.

“So, uh, does Mr. Kingy speak English?”

“No, but the prince will be there. The king's name is Kiros, if you were curious.”

“Kiros. Right. Does he have a stick the size of a telephone pole up his ass as well?”

“I doubt it.”

“That was almost another joke, wasn't it? Twice in one lifetime. Jeez, don't you take anything seriously anymore?”

Creep said nothing, but his half-smile flickered past his lips.

Caution could hear Antaetharon talking with someone as they approached the doors to what she was sure was a big, scary room. Creep motioned for Caution to open the door and she did so.

Antaetharon froze mid-word and stared at Caution. “I... Miss Caution.” He bowed.

Caution resisted the temptation to ask Creep what was going on. Instead, she bowed slightly and said, “Prince Antaetharon.”

“The dress fits well, “Antaetharon said, still wide-eyed. “Is it comfortable?”

“Yeah, it's fine,” Caution lied without thinking. She tightened her grip on her purse and wondered if she was supposed to have left it in the dressing room.

“I am glad.”

“Me too. Creep here seems to think it doesn't suit me,” Caution said, suddenly grinning rather smugly. She hadn't caught a guy dumb for a while.

“Well,” Antaetharon said, “he is hardly an expert, is he?”

“I guess not.” Caution smiled.

“I apologize. This is my father, the king.”

Caution's eyes went for the first time to the old man sitting at the end of the table. He looked very king-like, as far as what she knew about kings, which was next to nothing. She bowed her head to him as he spoke to her in what she had decided should be called M'leoian.

The king was very polite, or at least, Creep's translations were very polite. But there was something tolerant in his manner, as if he couldn't wait for Caution to be gone. Caution was not offended; she couldn't wait to be gone, either.

A couple of minutes after arriving, Caution was shooed out of the room. She was more than a little surprised when Antaetharon followed her and Creep out.

“My father is ill,” Antaetharon said, as the door closed. “I am certain he would have wished to visit longer, were he able.”

“Oh.” Caution smiled sympathetically.

Creep, true to his nature, said nothing.

Antaetharon shook his head sadly. He had fully planned on being rude to Caution, or in the very least, taciturn, and he was smiling at her. “I must go also,” he informed her flatly. “This war will not win itself.” He turned and walked away down a corridor.

“Okay... Um, bye.” Caution turned her attention back to Creep. “So, uh, what do we do now?”

“In what sense?”

“Uh, in the sense that I'm tired, starving, over-heating and wearing an Oscar-worthy dress that is horribly uncomfortable and apparently doesn't suit me.”

Creep blinked.

“And you've been awake for what, forty eight hours?”

“Approximately, yes.”

“Okay, well, if Andy and the king don't need us for anything, why don't we go find somewhere to sleep?”

“You have chambers prepared in the west wing. I will take you there.”

“What about you?”

“I sleep in the central tower.”

“Which is nowhere near the west wing?”

“Not especially.”

Caution shifted uncomfortably, causing her gown to rustle. “I... okay. Do you have a couch or something I can sleep on?”

“No.”

“What about in my chambers. Is there a couch in there?”

“I do not know; I have not seen them.”

“But you know where they are, though.”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Let's go.”

Creep led Caution around the castle for a while, and she began to get a feel for its size. It was easily three times the size of her parents' mansion, maybe four. She was sure she'd never been anywhere so big in her life. Eventually, they made it to her chambers.

“Not bad,” Caution remarked as she stepped through the door.

The first room was something like a bachelor apartment, with a sitting area (chairs, not couches) and an eating area with two wooden stools and a table. Through a narrow doorway was the bedroom. The room itself was bigger that Caution's and Marylin's combined, and the bed made a king-size look like a pauper.

“Dear God,” Caution breathed.

Apart from the size of the bed, the room really wasn't that amazing. The bed had a lot of fancy-looking pillows on it, and the curtains looked expensive, but like there were no paintings or wall hangings and there was no rug on the floor. Caution wasn't concerned. The bed was huge and it looked soft and inviting.

There was a third room beyond, which looked almost exactly like the first dressing room she had been shoved in, except it had two screens. Behind one was a basin and a stool. Behind the other was a very large wardrobe. Caution peaked inside. It was full of puffy princess dresses. She would have pulled them out to look at them, if not for the fact that she felt moments away from dropping dead of fatigue.

“Well,” she sight as she closed the wardrobe door, “I'm sold.”

Beyond her dressing room was another room, which, upon extensive investigation, Caution came to realize was the bathroom. Basically it had a bench with a hole in it. There was a lid over the hole, and Caution had absolutely no inclination to ask where it went.

“Creep, I hate to ask,” Caution said, shutting the bathroom door, “but do you mind hanging around here? I just don't know if I can cope with being left alone, you know. It's weird. I'm weird... but, will you stay?”

“Very well,” Creep said, turning to leave.

“Uh, Creep? That's not staying. That's going.”

“I am going to sit in your parlor while you rest.”

“My God, you're like a little old woman. Creep, you can sleep on the bed. We'd practically be in different time zones, anyway.”

Creep blinked.

“I'm not going to bite.”

He blinked again.

Caution pushed past him and marched into the bedroom. She leaned over and began making a wall of pillows down the centre of the bed.

“There,” she said triumphantly when she'd finished. “Hop on.”

Creep looked skeptically at the bed. Caution shrugged her shoulders and went back into the dressing room.

She managed to undue the dress enough to get it off without assistance. She draped it over one of the screens. The bathroom, she decided, would have to serve. There wasn't any toilet paper, but thankfully, she had Kleenex in her purse. She plugged her nose and braved the horror before returning to the bedroom.

Creep was lying on one side of the bed with his hands crossed over his chest. If Caution had had any doubt as to his Nosferatu resemblance, it was completely crushed in that moment. Creep had removed his robes, but Caution had no idea where he'd put them. She would have asked, but he was already asleep.

Caution crawled onto her side of the bed and closed her eyes. She was asleep in seconds.

...

“Miss Caution,” Someone said. Caution wondered if it was Margarita. “Miss Caution, are you here?”

There were footsteps coming closer. Caution forced her eyes open. She looked over at Creep and her memory came flooding back.

“Miss Caution,” the voice said again, from about midway through the parlor.

Caution leaned over the pillow wall and tried to shake Creep awake. “Creep,” She whispered. “Miss—” Andy stood in the doorway, mouth open. His candle was casting more than enough light around the bedroom.

Caution let go of Creep's shoulders and looked back at the prince, suddenly horribly aware that she was wearing only her underclothes. “Um... hi?”