I was reading a special interest article featured on Something Awful, one of my favourite humour-based websites, entitled : Worst Christmas Gifts, Ever! Anyway, on one of the pages I noticed some of the readers posting about some strange experiences regarding gifts from crazy old grandmothers, and I thought I'd share a couple with you. I was laughing uncontrollably for quite a while, pissing my pants even.

Randbrick: My grandma was getting pretty senile in her old age... She used to send me money exclusively, which was alright, but in her later years she started becoming creative, and by creative I mean "batshit insane," delighting in sending me really wacky gifts. I remember one Christmas she flew over, and watched eagerly as I unwrapped her present... It was a g-string. A sparkly g-string. I look at it, I freeze, my mind does a couple cartwheels, and then I turn to look at her. She's shining this great big fucking smile at me, like she just farted while stoned, and after a moment, she says, "It's a european bathing suit!!" like that explained everything.

We all just smiled and nodded.

He-Man: When I was 13 my Grandma just went to a San Fransico (novelty store) and bought all these novelty gifts. I ended up with "The Worlds Biggest Condom" in my stocking.

I thought I'd include this one for the magic geeks who read this

Khorne: I asked for a box of magic cards one year, and my father got me two packs. I cried in the bathroom later on. (not gay)

Note: The previous quotes were taken from a feature, that can be found in it's entireity on Something Awful, a web site with humour unparalled by most anyone, most anywhere on Earth. They add just the right amount of bitter scathing sarcasm, dry wit, intelligence, satire and oddball tendencies to suit the ass-kissing, fellating-to-improve-his-station-in-life fool that is I. P.S: Lowtax, please don't rape me.

Updated: Wed 27 Nov @ 5:44 am

 

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