wow! i do think you're lucky indeed for having made it this far. i thought it was weird that at 23, i've only really attended five funerals, and that only two of them were for my own family members. when my grandfather died, that was very sad. i had an aunt who died of breast cancer, and that is sadder, in retrospect, but it didn't affect me much at the time because i didn't really know her well at all. the other two were my girlfriend's grandparents, who had both fortunately lived long and happy lives, and a second cousin who i never liked too much. :)

Broken in at 10 with an uncle and cancer... soon after with a cousin. Since then there's been grandparents and family friends.

Being a casket bearer at my great grandfather's funeral was the worst of it all. He had alzheimer's, and didn't remember who I was at the end... I couldn't stand to see him like that. I liked remembering him when we had fun together as I grew up.

Anyway... stop with the personal shit. I'm supposed to be a grumpy and cynical mid-twenty year old.

No, I like the personal shit. Thank you for sharing the stories and thanks for the answers. Now I *know* that I am in fact lucky to have avoided it this long rather then just *think*. My family tends to pride themselves on being strong and not being the crying sore, quite the typical English mentality of them - " We don't need affection, we are humans of steel". However, I have noticed that my ability to randomly cry about this situation has been rubbing off on them and breaking them down. Nothing to be gained by going through life without letting yourself feel a thing or two - that's my theory anyhow.

You've not been avoiding reality; it is that of which you are made. Whatever you've experienced unto this point, is very real; it's shaped you and thus , you've not escaped from anything. Life is not a dream.

Actually, I am in exactly the same boat as you TC. The deaths in my life have occurred with people I did not know too well. I've always thought this was odd. For a while I naively thought my good luck in this regard was a consequence of my bad luck in other areas, sort of as if the universe were making it up to me by letting the people I value stick around for a little while longer. But then I realized that was just wishful thinking.

Cancer is the worst.

It's nice to see you Akk1e! I've thought about you, wondering how you've been. Hope your well and in good spirits.

For those of you not keeping track, he died this afternoon so thus has ended my last moments of being sheltered.