Christ, I should really be in bed, but IÂ’m in a position of being too pissed to sleep. I had what could be deemed as a very slightly emotionally trying dayÂ… nothing bad happenedÂ…well, nothing horrible. I think I broke the camera that my parents got me for my birthday, which is horrible, but itÂ’s not death-of-a-loved-one horrible. I also smashed a pretty glass jar that I got for Christmas probably about seven years ago, which was not really a high point of my day. On top of those things, my mind has been creating scenarios in which my life is much better than it actually is, which lead me to thinking about how those scenarios only exist in my mind andÂ…well, you get the picture.
So today hasnÂ’t been horrible, and plenty of fun and good things went on (football), and the rest of the weekend hasnÂ’t been bad either, but I was in kind of a foul state when I got homeÂ…not that I was being foul, I donÂ’t think, but I was feeling foul. That and IÂ’m prone to get upset over the dumbest things these days (I cried at the end of youÂ’ve got mail when it aired on TBS). AnywayÂ…I was fine, going about my business and I made an undignified quip at a friend, and he proceeded to bite my head off. YouÂ’d think IÂ’d told him his dead mother was a streetwalker or something, the way he reacted. The stupidest thing of is that I very nearly cried over the whole thing, and whether it was that, or the other stuff thatÂ’s going on in my life at the moment, thatÂ’s really not a good sign.
I donÂ’t think thereÂ’s anything wrong with being sensitiveÂ—crying at movies, that sort of thingÂ—but if I canÂ’t handle the shit thatÂ’s going on now or accept that people can be assholes for no reason and that some people, no matter what, will always think theyÂ’re better or smarter or more mature and act superior, what the hell is going to happen to me when my life actually starts to get hard? As much as I hate to admit it, IÂ’m even crying nowÂ—tears of someone whoÂ’s destined for an all out emotional breakdown if things continue the way they are.
The stupidest thing is that I canÂ’t stop trying to figure out if maybe my snarky comment was too snarky and I deserved the condescending horrible answer I got. ThatÂ’s not what bothers me, though. What bothers me is that I shouldnÂ’t even still be thinking about it at all. I should have moved on to far more important things than the brunt end of somebodyÂ’s cornflakes being pissed in.
So comes the question: What the hell do I do? Most likely, everyone goes through similar things and I just have to learn to deal with it. On the off chance that I am just an emotional freak of nature though, I thought IÂ’d ask. Even if most of you didnÂ’t get a say, it was good to get this out, so thanks for letting me rant. Be well, my dears.