I think that I’ve reached that point. What is that point, you ask? I’m not sure, suffice to say that it’s this point, and not that one. Okay, okay. That all sounds rather puzzling, and more like “useless ‘n shit” rather than “sex ‘n porn”. So, perhaps I should reach back to the nether regions of my an…of the past week or so. All of this, and my final capitulation, was spurred by “the Heniochi” and last Saturday night.
Last Saturday night was exhilirating. In fact, it was one of the best nights that I’ve had in quite some time. Certainly, the change of scenery – when you spend just about every hour of every day at home, it can get quite stiffling – was a big reason for the thrill of last weekend. And of course, the alcohol certainly didn’t hurt either, although it did on Sunday. Now, I could just ramble on, as most of you would expect, about “all the hot girls that I/we (Bird and D were there too) saw, but neither D nor I had the balls to do anything about”. Yes, I could do that, only…only that wouldn’t be strictly accurate.
From time to time, and as a result of my personal failings, friends and family have made efforts to “set me up”. Now, this is not necessarily your dime a dozen blind-date; instead it usually involves me meeting the friend, and then my quick realisation that I’m not interested. Well, my sister endeavoured to strike another blow for my cause last Saturday. The catch? This time, it actually worked. And not only did it work, but this person whom I met was captivating. I haven’t met someone like that in quite some time. As a result of this “magical encounter”, my mind has been completely and utterly filled with thoughts of this girl. It’s been quite distracting, and I’ve had recourse to listen to “Incomplete” by the BSB as a result – though that last point might have more to do with lingering loneliness and “romantic tendencies” than anything else. Still, this girl has had a profound effect on me.
So, where do things stand? On the one hand, I have one party urging me to do whatever it takes to meet/talk with her again; on the other hand I have another party who reminded me that I leave for parts unknown in a little over three months, and that she lives in La Salle, while I live in Brantford. Yes, that last argument is not a recipe for success. And, as that party so succinctly put it, “she didn’t want me or her (the girl) to get hurt”. If things worked out, that would certainly be applicable for me. Yet, this girl knows that I’m moving. And, there’s that thought in the back of mind, the one that says “if I don’t do something, then I’ll always wonder and blah, blah, blah.” This is certainly a touch call, and neither argument seems to have out-muscled the other just yet.
But, what all of this has done, is raise more anxiety in regard to my future move. Although I cannot doubt that working with THE man in the world of the “Late Roman army” – which I hope might become my specialty – everything else about it has left me a little uneasy. From the impending four year absence from Soviet Kanuckistan, to the loss of my dearest Bailey, it won’t be easy. What’s more, I now have some serious doubts about this plan of pursuing a career in the Classics/History. For one thing, I’m not sure that a career in academia will have any meaning for me if I end up alone. While I don’t need someone to complete me, necessarily, I would like to be able to share this life with someone someday. Oh, sure sure. “You’ll meet someone over there”. I’ve heard that for years. Now don’t get me wrong: I have no one to blame but myself for my failings and I’m not one to thrust it on someone else. Still, I have my doubts. Well, and I hate to admit it, but there’s that wee bit of prejudice buried in me (see the Soviet Kanuckistan comment). To be honest, I never want to be in a situation where I’d have to decide between my country and, well, something else. Then, there’s the financial situation of someone in academia, or at least my branch. And, then there’s the prospect of at least four more years (perhaps a bit less) as a student. I just don’t know.
And so, I’ve reached THAT point where I could just say “screw it all” and enter the work force. Or…or…I don’t know. It’s all very puzzling. So, perhaps tonight I shall sacrifice an ox, read some entrails, and look for some divine portents, and from that some inspiration.