Fast Eddie’s Makes Me Feel Good About Myself

We all have our vices. As it happens, mine do not include junk food. Like a lot of people, I sometimes like junk food, sometimes crave it, sometimes eat it, even though I know it’s bad for me. I don’t think it counts as a vice, though, ’cause I don’t feel guilty about it.

Until recently, I worked at a gym. On my lunch break (not everyday, mind you), I would go to Fast Eddie’s, get myself a 1/4lb cheeseburger meal with Dr. Pepper, and smile at all the amazed and horrified faces as I carried my little bag of greasie goodness back to the lunch room.

I loved the total shock and disbelief of some of the personal trainers, having them look at me like I’d sprouted horns and started belting out showtunes in a bad Russian accent, their inevitable demand of what on earth I was doing. These are not people who have a problem with people who are out of shape; they don’t expect people to look like super models – yet they can’t comprehend someone not willing to go to any lengths trying to look like one, or someone who doesn’t feel horribly embarrassed (or even a little ashamed) munching on a hamburger and fries while surrounded by people doing their damnedest to get in shape.

Don’t get me wrong; I love the people I worked with. They’re great and they exert more willpower every minute of every day than I probably will in my whole life. I admire their resolve, and their patience, and the fact that they think all people should be, or try to be, as in control as they are. They would never eat Fast Eddies. If they did, they’d feel bad about it. To them, it seems, it’s not the type of thing one does in polite company.

I think the reason a lot of people feel guilty when they eat things they’re “not supposed to” is because they’ve faltered, done something they promised themselves they wouldn’t, caved. For me, I just feel satisfied, full of warm food, and shortly thereafter, sick to my stomach. But then, I have endless (possibly unjustified) confidence in myself. I like to believe that my intelligence, spirit and personality are enough to make up for any deficiencies in my figure.

Yeah, I’ve got a bit of a tummy I’d like to get rid of, and my ass isn’t as pert and cute as it was when I was thirteen, but I’m a nice, moral, intelligent, decent human being with a good sense of humour and soft spot for small fuzzy animals. And, oddly, I happen to think that’s enough.

  • mike

    I had a craving for fast eddies on Sunday. Of course, I happened to be in Toronto at the time. The McDonald’s that took its place was probably no better though…

    And another note: Bulimia is not the answer. Get help before it becomes too late. 😉

    (Haha… that was a joke. Laugh you idiots)

  • Quigley

    HAHA Mike… you’re a hoot ;P

    Bean: Your figure is up to you, but your soft spot for fuzzy animals and charming personality aren’t going to save you from a heart attack. 😛

    That said, there’s no reason a person can’t sometimes eat Fast Eddies and still have a good heart – and a good figure. And if that’s what someone were to try and do, guilt over a cheeseburger would be moronic. Too much discipline is soul-destroying, if you ask me. Takes the freedom out of life, and without freedom, what context have you in which to enjoy the fruits of your discipline?

    Also, gym nuts need to realize that the human body was designed to operate on low-calorie meals filled with fruits and vegetables and raw grains *most* of the time… interspersed with bouts of binge consumption of red meat and saturated fats. That’s the circumstance of our evolution, and our bodies will operate with health and efficiency under that circumstance; the only problem is that most North Americans do the binging all the time, and most of the ones who don’t still do it far too often.

    Anyway, at your age, a few extra calories and a bit more fat than is recommended shouldn’t have much effect on your health or appearance anyway. It’s far more important to ensure that you *do* get all the nutrients you need than it is to exclude the frivolities – especially for young people – and I’ll bet lots of your gym patrons fall down horribly in that regard.

  • Anonymous

    A "bit" of a tummy? Asrai, your a 1/4 pounder away from type 2 diabetes and a stroke. When you sit around the house you really sit around the house! Why don’t you start running and try being a vegetarian?

  • Anonymous

    I killed a hooker once and then ate a little bit of her brains. And you know, I did feel like I faltered because I promised myself I wouldn’t eat brains any more. Did I mispell anything here?