Walla Walla Walla Version D.0

Well, on this sad day I have a number of things to write about (sad because the Pumpkins
are through). But before I get into anything I would like to point out this one will be
somewhat of a tribute to our neighbours south of the border. This is all in a regards to a
recent trip to the sunny U.S.A. this past long weekend and oh the time I had. There are
many other things to discuss as well and I can only hope that I remember all the things
that have touched my life in the past few days or whenever I last did this. So, on with the

The Top 10 Things That Make Me Wanna Heavah Right Now

  1. The End is the Beginning is the End
  2. Even more rain. Damn it! I was supposed to be cycling now or soon but thunder
    storms and tornado watches kinda changed my plans

  3. The realization that many of the bands that started the whole alternative thing in
    the early 90’s are gone or on there way out. Other than Pearl Jam and STP, there
    ain’t much left. Of course, this can be viewed as a good thing too

  4. the U.S.A.
  5. Americans (most of them)
  6. dwindling funds
  7. the whole romance thing
  8. the quality of the models at the model search America convention
  9. the day off from working out that became 4 days off… not good for training
  10. yet another pair of sunglasses has escaped from my grasp

The Top 10 Things That Make Me Want to Sing Gaily Like a School Girl!

  1. Hmmm… I’m not sure
  2. Thunder storms… the beauty of nature’s power
  3. Canada. Truly, no questions asked, the finest nation the world has ever seen. End
    of debate. There is nothing that anyone can say counter to this and I will accept
    any challenges (if you’re Canadian and you do this, you must die).

  4. With all the big bands biting the dust, this also means that we’re nearing the time
    for something truly new to come along. We could be on the cusp of new music
    revolution. Of course, I could just be some quack with no idea and we may not
    get anything revolutionary for quite some time.

  5. Canadians, eh
  6. Here’s to the Pumpkins
  7. the members of the opposite sex
  8. Romance
  9. Gladiator. Truly, a kick ass movie
  10. music

Hail to the Chief…

Well, it’s time to reflect upon my little adventures in New York this past holiday
weekend. The premise was innocent enough. I am lucky enough to be the brother of an
exceptionally attractive girl. Though I’d most likely never tell it to her face, she is very
beautiful (she already knows this and don’t get any perverted ideas). In fact, probably
even one of the most beautiful people on this planet. However, being her brother, that
doesn’t do me very good now does it? But, what better opportunity to see beautiful
women then a model Search America convention in Rochester? Sounds like every guys
dream (both straight and not, there are male models too), no? Sure. The day finally
arrived and after much delay (I won’t get into details), we finally left. Needless to say I
was already a pretty tired and stressed person who had hoped to have the opportunity to
be a passenger and merely absorb the new sites from the comfort of the back seat. The
problem was my car was probably the only car available that would safely make the trip
so into the drivers side I go. I won’t go into details about the disappointing models at the
competition because that’s something else to discuss. This section is about the U.S.A.
Anyway, we finally make it to the border and here’s where the weekend officially heads
for the gutter. A slight stutter on the first question (technically my response to the first
question) lead to a series of stupid questions by a clearly incompetent American.
Needless to say, we ended up stranded at the border for close to 45mins. As one would
expect I was not a happy camper. No, I had reached the boiling point and was ready to
rip into the fucking Immigration officials at the border in the hole otherwise known as
Buffalo. So, with that being said, you now know the basis, or at least the spark to my
fire. And what follows is my very distorted view of the U.S.A.

How does one start writing about such a prominent world player in international politics
like the United States? By starting off by saying they are shite. Now, I could just as
easily end it there because all that needs to be said has been done. But, instead, I will go
into some of my reasons for this opinion. Yes, I will be stereotyping here but I do feel
that what I say adequately reflects the nation as a whole. And yes my views are distorted
but keep in mind that that probably makes for better reading.
As I sit here pondering just what I should complain about our southerly neighbours, I find
myself not wanting to remember all the hatred the surged through my body at the border.
Still, there are some things that need to be said. The Americans generally are an
unintelligent bunch. Did they ever possess any real intelligence? I’m not entirely sure
but a decline in intelligence is certainly only the beginning of the end for any nation. I
know for certain that America will not last forever. To those American nay Sayers
reading this I need only point out to the dynasties of the past who have come and gone.
Do I think that the great white north will always be with us? Of course not. That would
just be wrong. But let’s get back to the unintelligence thing. Our ever so courteous
attendee at the border could not seem to grasp the reason why a son and mother would
accompany their daughter/sister to something like this (though many of my reasons to go
were wrong, deep down, the main reason was most likely to see my sister succeed and I
don’t doubt that). That certainly is confusing isn’t it? I mean where would anyone get
off on wanting to support one’s family in something that is clearly important to them?
Seems ridiculous doesn’t it? Well, when you live in a country as jaded as the States,
maybe you don’t understand these sorts of things. Now I know we have problems too but
come on. Besides, what we had in the car were 3 white and well-spoken individuals.
There wasn’t anything auspicious about us. Maybe she was on some kind of U.S.
superiority power trip but I can’t understand why because there isn’t much to be proud of.
What more can I say about the intelligence of the average American? They are quite
inept and know very little beyond their own little worlds and there is no excuse given the
technology that they have.

Though I am trying to get some sort of order to this article I’m finding it difficult so
please excuse the jumping around. Anyway. Let’s look at this whole U.S. superiority
complex. Is it really any wonder that most countries look at the Americans with
contempt? I think not. Just look at their newspapers. Are their front pages adorned with
big international stories? No. Local happenings so they seem to be very unconcerned
with what is going on with the world. Oh, but what about CNN and other related
stations? Have you ever watched the local news broadcasts? What do they focus on?
Local. Americans also tend to be shocked when they leave their country and find that not
everyone speaks English or uses American currency. The nerve of those people, no?
Well, let’s think about this? Why the fuck don’t they just bother to learn more languages
besides English? American culture is fucking pathetic and while there are highlights,
there are more low lights. No, Canada is not the U.S. and all you to do prove that we are
not becoming Americanized is travel south of the border. Back to languages, most
people in other countries at least have some first-hand knowledge of a language other
than their own (I’m talking developed countries and the educated bunch). But Americans
can’t seem to grasp this. This is where I could go into a rant about their annoying accent
(those who don’t believe there is one are ignorant) but I guess the reason why I feel this
way is become I come from an area of the world where the most phonetically correct
spoken English is spoken… south-eastern Ontario. So, I have a biased view point.
Staying with superiority, I could go into detail about what our national god Joe
mentioned in the Molson add but it is rather self-explanatory. I’m not quite sure where
the Americans get off and seem to think that they should interfere in everyone else’s
affairs. As stated, it’s better to keep the peace than police.

A couple of little tidbits here. I don’t know if I should blame the general American
mindlessness or just the media though it’s probably a combination of both. There are
many things that the Americans claim for there own which are clearly false. Anyone
who’s seen the latest sub movie must be told that it wasn’t a hodge podge group of
American soldiers that helped turn the tide in the navel portion of WWII. No, the work
was done primarily by the Royal Navy. Another point worth mentioning is something
that I remember being told a few years ago. A friend had been to Washington and was on
a tour of the White House when the tour guide informed the group that no nation had ever
burned or defaced the president’s residence. Now that is correct, if you don’t want to
mention the melee created by some Canadians back in the war of 1812. You see, the
reason why it’s called the White House is that a group of Canadians (or the British that
would later become Canadians) roasted the original and it had to be rebuilt. Don’t you
hate it when that happens? Now could you forget something like that? Next thing you
know they’re going to be telling us that they won Vietnam.

I’m going to wrap this little rant up with a discussion of the violence problem that
plagues the U.S. While there is more to say I don’t plan on writing an epic series of
books on the subject. So, let’s just end it with this. The United States is the second or
third most violent country on the planet. One would think that 3rd world countries would
rank quite a bit higher but no, the only two countries that really compete with the U.S.
when it comes to violent crime is Columbia and South Africa. How about that? And
they wonder why events such as Columbine are becoming increasingly more frequent?
Hmm. Could it be the lack of gun control? Perhaps the complete breakdown of the
family? Yeah, they might have something to do with it. Do we have this problem here?
Let me think. No. Take for example the city of Toronto. In the metropolitan area there
are close to 4.5 million, getting upwards of 5 million people. Pretty big no? How many
homicides are reported every year? In the neighbourhood of 50-80. Now let’s look at
cities like New Orleans and Buffalo. Their populations top out at close to 1.5 million
(give or take). Yet they both have over a hundred murders every year. Doesn’t that tell
you something? All you need to do is travel to any major U.S. city and I dare you to
walk alone downtown at night. How many of you would actually feel safe doing that? I
would gladly do it anywhere in Canada. Would I get nervous, sure, maybe a bit but I’d
still do it. Would I do it in any of the American cities that I’ve traveled to? No fucking
way. American city cores have to be some of the most run down or at least abandoned of
all cities in developed nations. Let’s compare Hamilton and Rochester. Hamilton is one
of Canada‘s largest cities (the population is close to 600,000) but also is home to one of
the most run down city centers. Yet, you still see people out and about both during the
day and at night. Is it a threatening experience? Not at all. Now Rochester (800-900,000
people) does admittedly have a nice down town (relatively speaking). But having been
downtown both during the day and at night, I could probably count the number of people
that I saw walking around that weren’t from the convention (not that the convention made
a huge difference). It’s quite disturbing to see places so abandoned. This is similar
throughout many U.S. cities and nothing of the case or at least of that level exists here.
Even my much berated Brantford probably has more people downtown at night then
Rochester. How sad is that.

Well, like I’ve said, I could go on but enough’s enough. Americans are just so
depressingly inferior. I welcome any comments about this, especially from those who
feel the contrary.

Content not available.
Please allow cookies by clicking Accept on the banner