Once Upon a Bar

I found this gem hiding in my evernote, circa Jan 9, 2013.

An attractive woman walks into a bar, heads towards the end and orders a dirty martini. A drunk guy at the end of the row notices her and begins his quest.drunky drunk

Guy: You’re beautiful. What do you do in this city?
Woman: I have sex. A lot.
(I make eye contact with her and think that was the best answer ever.)
Guy: Wow, you’re beautiful. Have I mentioned that?
(I look at the guy, then back at her, then back at the guy. I’m really trying not to laugh.)
Woman: Yeah, you’ve said that. And you haven’t stopped glaring at me since I got here.
Guy: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But you’re beautiful.
Woman: I’m waiting for someone.

A chair opens up and she moves down the bar, far away. I’m now in the middle and his lazer-gaze is burning a hole in the side of my head. I move forward, he moves back, I move back, he moves forward. Every time I block his gaze, she smirks.

He finally stops his gaze-pong game and he asks the bartender for a pen so he can write something. A love note. He pulls out his business card and starts writing. He gets that look of a child when they’re writing something awesome. Deep thoughts with this drunk guy. Everybody at the bar is now waiting in anticipation to see what he wrote.

After about 5 minutes with a pen and his card he orders a drink for the lovely lady and she accepts it. He makes his move. He walks over, stumbles over a stool. Approaches and hands her his card.

Guy: You’re still beautiful. I want you to have this.
Woman: Thank you for the drink, but I’m still waiting for someone.
Guy: Ok, ok. You’re welcome.

As the guy turns to walk away, he almost falls over on to me.

Me: Sorry bro, I don’t catch.
Guy: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

The poor guy was drunk, denied, shattered. He couldn’t even remember his pin to pay. It took him a while and some assistance from the wonderful bar tender.

It was really sad to see, but really. REALLY he took 5 minutes to write “txt me” on his card.

About SmartSsa

a mindless soul flushed down the toilet
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